Dated: February 14, 2020
This day serves a special day to many. The day before, she decided to buy Valentine's gifts for some of her friends that are just nearby her workplace.
She didn't want to feel bitter on this day. It's a special day to show your love and spread it to the people around you! Although the memories and hopes still kept on bugging her, she just wanted to get distracted by this goal she set up for herself.
But little did she know that those replayed memories and hopes will appear coincidentally in front of her, in the form of her most favorite and missed who.
Flabbergasted.
Paralyzed.
Tongue tied.
Without any hesitation, she ran towards him. Hugged him so tight. And finally said that she missed him so much. She couldn't contain the emotions welling up in her. No other words came out from her mouth so she just stood there silently... sobbing. Oh, how she missed this person's scent.
He responded to the hug offered to him. He said he missed her, too. He missed her loud presence. He missed their hangouts. He missed everything about her. This time, he's gentle in holding her fragile form.
She longed for this day to come—the day of which they would finally close the growing distance between them. The day of which they would finally stop punishing themselves from choosing not to walk the path taken by the other. The day of which they would finally stop treating each other as strangers. The day of which they would finally continue what was paused last November. The day of which they finally choose to stay and choose one another fearlessly.
But she got terrified.
And he remained unreadable.
The distance between them grew farther.
Maybe it was not yet the day she was longing for. Unlike what she's hoping for, she chose to act as if he was just a stranger to her instead. Unlike what she's wishing to happen, he chose to pass by her cutting the two-second eye contact they had earlier instead.
It wasn't the fairytale like scenario that happened to them. They chose not to speak out what their hearts were saying. They chose not to show any emotions they have (except that she's aware of how transparent she could be).
The rare opportunity given by fate ended. The two ended up acting like everything was strangely okay and normal. Binibini got frustrated with the chance slipping away. She had no clue of what was going on inside his mind. Did he feel the same? Did he regret letting the chance slip away, too? Did he want to take another chance of choosing what could have been instead?
She was afraid of initiating a step towards him. She was afraid of what his response would be this time. Long before she already admitted, him doing the first move would be the key to unlock her freedom from fear to uncertainties.
She was afraid, but she did not stop hoping. She did not stop hoping for the same chance to knock again. She hopes he does, too.
6:55 PM: muni-muni
Read the previous blog under February Blog Series: